When I say 'absolutely alone', I mean that there is no one else in the same house / apartment. If there is someone else around, even if they are in a different room, it's not the same.

I'm allergic to small talk and to meaningless linguistic shortcuts that seem to exist societally to prevent us interacting on a deep and/or emotional level. Especially men.

If I become aware I’m doing it, I try to work out where the rhythm is coming from. It could be the fridge humming or even my own heartbeat. Does that make any sense?

I’m a half glass full sort of human. Full of ideas and trying to be liked. I hate conflict and find it difficult to say no. Sometimes that takes more energy than I have to sustain.

It wraps up intuition - it’s where I am best - but it also comes from sleepwalking and having issues arrive - mental health and off the path career - I blamed myself for not asking morning of my interests and knowing myself - until later in life - sleep waking and asking others to make decisions - but actually it’s time to rely and trust that intuition git wing it more as I do know myself and plan in my own realtime way.

I think I have this habit because it's such a safe and universal way to break the ice and (re)establish a warm relational bond before "getting into it." But still. It drives me crazy.

Capitalist holidays translate into people showing their love with "things" and I often find myself explaining at great lengths why I don't want to receive or give gifts around these occasions.

In friendships, relationships and in work settings being 'chilled out and relaxed' is must easier for others to handle. Trained myself to hide my neurosis' to the extent I don't know what they are any more.

The way I dress, eat, act, talk well even the way I walk. It all evokes a responds. And second guessing which ones makes people around me feel comfortable is a daily guide of mine. At its most positive it encourages me to be a better person, neighbour, a more inclusive citizen.